losing faith

how long do you wait for your dreams to fall into place? and can you let them go with out knowing what else to do? are we meant to dream and not realize them? don't think i will be able to answer these questions right now. just need to get them out of my head. i prayed this morning that i would let go of the dream of moving to california. maybe letting it go will bring it to pass. losing faith is hard. maybe it's not losing faith, maybe it's really finding it.

To Dream or Not To Dream

Maybe, it's better to have dreamed and not realized the dream, than to have never had the dream in the first place. I asked Bob what he thought about this - is just having the dream enough? He said NO - emphatically. I was happy about that answer. I don't want the dream to be in and of itself all we have. But still the question remains. What if the dream doesn't come to pass. Or, maybe we should really disect the dream and understand what the core fundemental element is of the dream that keeps us wanting it to happen. Is owning a wine shop in California what we really want? Or is it living on the ocean in the building where you work what we really want. Or, is it something even more fundemental - creating something together. In that case, couldn't we do that anywhere? And do we have to spend so much money to do it? And how do I get Bob to that understanding - that creating something together can start now. We don't have to just come home from work at night and think about what we want. We can work on it together starting now. Here in Orlando...no scratch that, we definitely want to leave Orlando. No offense to Orlando, it's just not where we want to be physically.

So last night, we took an introductory wine class at a local wine shop. Which, incidentally is starting to franchise ;-) Anyway, it was very interesting and I think we both really enjoyed it. Now when someone asks us what we know about wine, we can toss out some ridiculous words and phrases to shut them up!!

Believing

When I close my eyes, I see the tasting bar at the wine shop Bob and I want to purchase. Bob standing behind the counter pouring a taste for someone. I see the coastline of Sonoma and feel free, alive, energized. I believe it is where we are supposed to be. I believe we will make a wonderful life there. I believe it is what we need to flourish even more. I also believe we have no control over whether it happens or not. Which is very conflicting in my mind - I want it so bad and can't seem to just look forward to it. I want it to happen now and my frustration is building by the minute. It's hard to stay focused and content where I am because there is somewhere else I want to be. So my statement of truth for today is this: if this particular scenario doesn't play out they way we want it to, I believe that the Universe has something so incredible waiting, that I can't even imagine it. Now. Now I can begin to imagine what would be better than living in the same building as the wine shop you own in Sonoma County, CA, on the water - literally. Minutes from the heart of wine country and building a business together with my life partner. Being a part of a small community that supports your shop with their patronage. Becoming friends with winemakers and authors and other eccentric folks and living under two hours away from San Francisco.

Okay, what's better than that? I'm working on it....stay tuned!

Meditate a new life into existence

No one believes me when I say that I meditated my husband into my life. But it's true. And I believe meditation works. So why is it that I don't make it a permanent part of my day? The human nature is so strange. When we know we should do something that will help us or protect us, we run in the other direction. Like we want life to be hard. But it doesn't have to be!! Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, visualize your dream, spread good energy around, practice gratitude, practice gratitude, practice gratitude. And remember to let things go - it makes more room for what's to come. A crowded house blocks the flow of new experiences and adventures!! Open up, air out, be thankful, everyday. Smile and know that what you want (what you really want - and you really need to be able to feel it and know it) is on the way. Possibly in a different way than you planned. And by the way, don't plan - it never happens the way you think it's supposed to!