all the knowledge in the world

Even if I had time to read and learn about all the social networking and such that ones needs to be an expert on, would I really want to spend all my time working at it? What would I really do with all that knowledge? I want to write and have people enjoy my writing. I'm not going to be the source of expertise on anything, although I have an opinion on most things and would happily share. I could come up with an entirely new concept and be the expert on that. I could just state that I'm an expert at something I like to do and then people want to hear what I have to say. That's what happens on the news everyday. The "experts" they find for network news are something else!

Making Changes

Change is good, right? I mean, it's inevitable for sure. So embracing it can only be a good thing. I think the fear of what the change will bring is the hardest part. If I make this decision, and something that I don't want happens, then it was making the decision that is to blame. Or maybe, what happens after the change is decided on would have happened regardless. It's better to be on the decisive end and not on the allowing end. I like being in control and at lease if I make the decision to change, then I'm the only one responsible.

On another note, I wonder if anyone ever reads this blog. If you've made it through the first paragraph and I've still got your attention, I'd love to know!

Sunday Morning

I'm spending this morning like I spend every Sunday morning. On the couch, a cup of hot tea in hand and the show "Sunday Morning" replaying from the 6am dvr recording. In my not so crazy life, I often complain there are no consistencies, not much discipline to stick to tasks and stay focused. And I've just realized that this mundane weekly activity of mine is about as consistent as any one could ask for. I can build on this. I can. Every year I say I'm going to write daily. It hasn't happened yet. That I'm going to stay on top of my responsibilities and not wait till the last minute to get things done. I still do all my bookkeeping for the past year in a week in March just in time for taxes to be due.

As I make the list above, I realize, consistency may be at the heart of my problem - the consistency of doing things the same way, week after week, year after year. And not the way I want to do them. Do we really have the power to change? Can I create new consistencies that more closely resemble the life I want to lead? Or am I leading the life I'm meant to have and should be happy with? Either way, I have a lot of work to do and should stop writing and get it done. ;-)

losing faith

how long do you wait for your dreams to fall into place? and can you let them go with out knowing what else to do? are we meant to dream and not realize them? don't think i will be able to answer these questions right now. just need to get them out of my head. i prayed this morning that i would let go of the dream of moving to california. maybe letting it go will bring it to pass. losing faith is hard. maybe it's not losing faith, maybe it's really finding it.

To Dream or Not To Dream

Maybe, it's better to have dreamed and not realized the dream, than to have never had the dream in the first place. I asked Bob what he thought about this - is just having the dream enough? He said NO - emphatically. I was happy about that answer. I don't want the dream to be in and of itself all we have. But still the question remains. What if the dream doesn't come to pass. Or, maybe we should really disect the dream and understand what the core fundemental element is of the dream that keeps us wanting it to happen. Is owning a wine shop in California what we really want? Or is it living on the ocean in the building where you work what we really want. Or, is it something even more fundemental - creating something together. In that case, couldn't we do that anywhere? And do we have to spend so much money to do it? And how do I get Bob to that understanding - that creating something together can start now. We don't have to just come home from work at night and think about what we want. We can work on it together starting now. Here in Orlando...no scratch that, we definitely want to leave Orlando. No offense to Orlando, it's just not where we want to be physically.

So last night, we took an introductory wine class at a local wine shop. Which, incidentally is starting to franchise ;-) Anyway, it was very interesting and I think we both really enjoyed it. Now when someone asks us what we know about wine, we can toss out some ridiculous words and phrases to shut them up!!

Believing

When I close my eyes, I see the tasting bar at the wine shop Bob and I want to purchase. Bob standing behind the counter pouring a taste for someone. I see the coastline of Sonoma and feel free, alive, energized. I believe it is where we are supposed to be. I believe we will make a wonderful life there. I believe it is what we need to flourish even more. I also believe we have no control over whether it happens or not. Which is very conflicting in my mind - I want it so bad and can't seem to just look forward to it. I want it to happen now and my frustration is building by the minute. It's hard to stay focused and content where I am because there is somewhere else I want to be. So my statement of truth for today is this: if this particular scenario doesn't play out they way we want it to, I believe that the Universe has something so incredible waiting, that I can't even imagine it. Now. Now I can begin to imagine what would be better than living in the same building as the wine shop you own in Sonoma County, CA, on the water - literally. Minutes from the heart of wine country and building a business together with my life partner. Being a part of a small community that supports your shop with their patronage. Becoming friends with winemakers and authors and other eccentric folks and living under two hours away from San Francisco.

Okay, what's better than that? I'm working on it....stay tuned!

Meditate a new life into existence

No one believes me when I say that I meditated my husband into my life. But it's true. And I believe meditation works. So why is it that I don't make it a permanent part of my day? The human nature is so strange. When we know we should do something that will help us or protect us, we run in the other direction. Like we want life to be hard. But it doesn't have to be!! Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, visualize your dream, spread good energy around, practice gratitude, practice gratitude, practice gratitude. And remember to let things go - it makes more room for what's to come. A crowded house blocks the flow of new experiences and adventures!! Open up, air out, be thankful, everyday. Smile and know that what you want (what you really want - and you really need to be able to feel it and know it) is on the way. Possibly in a different way than you planned. And by the way, don't plan - it never happens the way you think it's supposed to!

Sonoma County Trip

Wait and Pray

When life starts rolling and you make decisions that will effectively change your life, you don't want to have to wait on answers from other people who are in the process of making decisions that will effectively change their lives. But that's just it, isn't it? A chain of events will now occur that have little to do with the decision you have to make, except that they have everything to do with the decision you are making. This is exactly why we pray, meditate, reflect, ask and hope. Holding faith in our hands like an egg - careful not to hold it too tight or let it fall. So now, I'm praying, dare I say, asking, for God to guide all the decision makers in the line of decisions that effect mine. Guide them in the perfect way they need to be guided for my dreams to unfold. I know this will all happen they way it's supposed to - because I'm here and I've asked. The beautiful thing is that life is beginning to roll. It's gathering moss and I'm ready for the ride. There will certainly be challenges along the way that will change the course of the journey. But the journey is clear and I am determined. I know now, more than ever that Bob and I are ready for the adventure and together we will make it all happen. However it takes shape. Although the shape we really like at the moment is the shape of California and the Sonoma Coast. With a seller financed wine and gift retail business and Sissy Made It covering all the costs and then some of the purchasing of the business. It's really not out of reach at all! Just around the corner really. We also really like the idea of our house selling within a couple of months at the price we need it to. And so the decisions will continue to be made and we will wait and pray. Focusing our dreams and planning our strategy. Rethinking and revising along the way. Growing together and learning about each other. This is the real journey.

The Tenth Man (a work in progress)

Nine out of ten people will stand at the locked door on the front of a building. The tenth man will walk around to the back to see if there is another way in. I think my life is about being the tenth man. Today, it's almost a necessity to go against the grain, take the risks that others won't and do what they say can't be done. It's definitely more fun. Or, should I say, more adventurous. The stress levels are higher, in a good way. Since we started this "let's move across the country to buy a wine shop" project, my husband and I are moving along the same path for the first time and it feels really good. We are able to have conversations and discussions without arguing, our sex life is much better. It must have something to do with following a dream. Being happy just in the pursuit of happiness - is that the key? I don't know if the negotiations will result in an actual move, but we are on to something. I like being the tenth man. I find myself looking for ways to be different, or differentiate myself and my husband from the rest of the pack. Looking at our life and liking it - not wanting more...but wanting less and getting more. To move across the country, literally from the Atlantic to the Pacific, must take some certain kind of moxy. We will have to sell most of what we own, just to be able to afford the trip out. Maybe we can convince my parents to pull a second trailer behind their car with the other half of what we need! I've always thought myself an entreprenuer and I wonder if I fit the behavioral tendencies of the great entreprenuers of our time? I do have a hard time trying to figure out how to handle hiring and firing. I tend to latch on to whoever says they are available to do stuff. Then those that need to move on have to figure that out for themselves - I don't want to be mean. I'm learning that business is just business and it's not personal. Hard lesson when it really is personal to me.

I'm thankful

Ever think about what it would be like to be totally thankful, for everything, all the time? I just want to know what it feels like so that I can recognize it when I'm there. I believe that gratitude and thankfulness are the key. The key to happiness, the key to more, the key to moving through this world. And yes, it's that easy. It's a wonder more people aren't clued in to it. Being thankful immediately puts you into a place that's upbeat, happy and fulfilled. Is is possible to thank your way into financial success and monetary gain? Bob and I are flying to California in a few days to check out a business that is for sale. I'm so thankful that the opportunity found us. If we like the area and feel the business is profitable, we could be running a retail wine shop by this time next year. I'm so thankful we both want the same thing. The pieces all seem to fit. I'm so thankful that a path is appearing in front of us - even if we don't take it. It will be hard to tell our families we are moving so far away. I'm so thankful for family that really loves and cares for us. There will be so many things that have to happen to make all of this come together. I'm so thankful that my life is so full - even the difficulties are a blessing. See, it really does work - I'm feeling tingly all over!!

living in the moment...

...is so hard when you are being pulled in a load of directions. Especially if it's your on self that is doing the pulling! We create these worlds in which everything might come crumbling down if we don't show up for even a minute. And then we wonder why the stress is taking such a toll. Isn't this what I wanted, we ask ourselves. Isn't this what I created. Yes and yes. I created this and I control how I react to it. It's really not that hard once we train ourselves to be aware. So I'm becoming aware. Aware of how I respond, how I show up and why.

Currently, I'm 'training' for a 39 mile walk over two days in New York City for breast cancer awareness. I'm looking forward to the event in October. And I'm trying to raise $1800 for the event. So far I'm at $425. I know I'll hit the mark with a little more organization and prodding. My goal was to do the fundraising without hitting up individuals. The majority of the funds raised will be from events and businesses. I think people are just tired of being hit up for $10 here and $15 there. More creative ways to raise funds for causes are needed. If you know of any - please let me know!

My husband and I are hosting a "Brews for Boobs" party this friday. Out of the more than 100 people invited, only 36 have rsvp'd. Disappointing, but we are sure that more people will show up. I'm going to round up all the neighbors and still have some people to add to the list. At $15 a person, we will raise around $1000 or more after it's all over.

Getaway...

One of my favorite things to do is sit on a quiet beach under a big umbrella and listen to the waves. Last week I took Bob to the Elizabeth Pointe Lodge on Amelia Island in north Florida. It was so relaxing. I snapped this shot of the underneath side of the umbrella.

I relish these opportunities to connect with the outside and turn the mobile off. The truth is, I have plenty of time to do it on a regular basis, and don't. I'm not sure if it is to do with the guilt of not working or the guilt of taking time out. And why is there guilt associated with either of these things. I mean, I know I'm not at my best unless I take time off every once in a while.

Making room for these little getaways is a priority!

Visualization

I know it works, I've made it happen. It's how I met my husband. Really, I know it sounds cliche. But knowing that it works, actually having seen the power of visualization and meditation, why then, do I not do it on a regular basis?

I've taken to asking for what I want out loud. On my morning walks. If the orders for the business are slow, I ask for more. If I want my clothes to be a little less tight, I ask for that. It usually comes to pass. Crazy isn't it? What if the whole world believed and practiced visualization for the betterment of the world. Imagine!

Here are the two loves of my life:

What am I doing??

Life has been so crazy lately:

loads of work...yeah!

lots of stuff going on around the house.

trying to get ready for a marathon and a half walk.

I forget to take time to just be and write and reflect. Everything is going so well. I'm most excited about my business and how it is really starting to grow! I've got several people working for me now. I've started paying myself and even started a corporate 401k!! The future is very bright. The photo above is a shot from my studio.

when a plan comes together

Sometimes we meet people that bring out the creative forces within us and we come together in a moment of brilliance. That happened to me on Saturday and I'm looking forward to building a design coop with my new friend and business partner Kay. We outlined the business in about 10 minutes and it may take us 10 years to realize the final outcome, but it will be a fun and educational journey and I'm very excited about it! More to come later....we haven't figured out a name yet, any ideas??

The things we love

Why is it that the things we love to do are the very things we put off till tomorrow. I was really enjoying the blog thing and getting in the habit of writing at least a couple times a week. That is until January 2....almost 4 months ago! Let's see how long I can keep it going this time. What is new with me is a renewed sense of self and purpose. I've been very busy with work and it's rolling along very nicely. Bob and I are settling into a nice routine with a few hicups every once in a while, which I'm sure is quite normal. My health is really great and those last 20 pounds from the chemo weight are still hanging around....I'm not that worried about them though. I think I will lay off the wine and beer for a few weeks and see if that doesn't kick start it! I do believe I drink most of the calories I take in. Our dog Mo is doing great and will be getting a bath tonight - she is a little smelly at the moment.

All in all, life is wonderful - I'm going to post a happiness test here for others to take...I'll show my score and talk about happiness in the next post. Stay tuned in!

new year happy

I wonder what a 35 year old woman thought about at the new year 50 years ago, 100 years ago, 1000 years ago? Were they as hung up and worried about the extra 20 pounds they needed to lose as we are today? I do want to get off the 20 pound of chemo weight I gained last year. And I probably will, eventually. What I really want to be concerned with this year is.......well, truthfully, I haven't thought about it that much. I'm busy getting ready for market - a new product, a new booth design. It's going to be a big one. This year is set up for tremedous growth at my little company and I'm going to manage it well. Instead of new years resolutions, I'm going to state some goals for the year. Not here in my blog, though!!

global warming, global warning

So last night I hosted a veiwing party for the movie "An Inconvenient Truth". People, we have a problem. That's the bad news. The good news is, we also have the solution. And it's not even that difficult to correct it. All the technology is in place. Trouble is, no one wants it to be regulated, save the few people who are talking about it in public. In order for it not to be regulated, we have to stand up and take responsibility - YES, America! We are the biggest contributor to the problem, so we have to take the most responsibility.

I calculated my CO2 contribution and was shocked at how much I contribute. I feel morally responsible for spreading the word...

Did you know in the next 25-30 years the population of the earth is going to sprint to over 8 or 9 BILLION people? Nevermind the devastating consequences of Greenland or Antarctica melting - where are all these people going to live, and what are they going to eat?

We all better get used to eating less, using less, and start getting smart about global warming - this is for real. It's a test of our will versus our wants. Do you want your grandchildren to wonder what in the world you were thinking? Maybe your grandchildren won't have an earth to think in. Think about it. www.climatecrisis.net

mantras

I'm definitely not the poster child for meditation. I do, however, fully believe there is power in meditation/prayer...whatever you call it. Clearing you mind of the clutter, so you might receive tidbits from God, the universe...whatever you call it. I take my dog, Mo, on a walk every morning. There is a song I sing to myself sometimes on the walk - an oldie..."Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day. Oh what a glorious sunrise, everything's going my way". I know when I sing that tune, my day goes better. The other thing I do on the walk involves a breathing exercise. Five or six steps is one breath in, while I think to my self "peace, love, harmony, happiness, in" and then five or six steps is the resulting breath out, while I think to myself "hate, anger, fear, war, out". I'm not sure if it's the oxygen intake or the mantra, but it makes me feel better, too.