Floating on the River

It's so nice to be outside when it's hot and breezy. Sometimes, I have to admit, the cold and damp of Bodega Bay kinda gets to me. We took ourselves over the the Russian River yesterday to canoe downstream and picnic on the riverbank. Could not have been more beautiful! It's about a 2-3 hour trip and well worth the cost - especially when Dad treated. The west coast seems to be free of the bugs that invade you on east coast waters. No mosquitoes or flies, but plenty of fish to see and birds - tons of birds. We met a very friendly duck when we stopped to eat that seemed to really like potato chips. Shame on us for feeding him, but we clearly weren't the first. Enjoy the short video:

Building my Muscles

Working out is hard. Especially when there's a bootcamp instructor yelling in your face to keep moving, keep moving. I LOVE IT! Haven't felt this good in years. It's not paying off in loss of pounds, as of yet. Really haven't changed my diet or my wine intake. But I know it's doing me some good. And that I've closed the floodgates of mid-life weight gain. Hoping to be able to touch my toes without bending my knees soon!

Mind's Eye

The picture in my mind is not clear enough. In order to visualize the future I desire, I need to start honing my imagination skills. Not sure why that seems so scary, but what I want and crave is really closer than I think. A mere matter of thinking it into being, I believe.

So, realizing that should be the first and most important step. I know meditating and visualizing works, yet, I don't practice it regularly. I don't want to look back and think if only I'd set more goals. How devastating. Goal setting is the easiest part. Writing down the goals and picturing them in my mind's eye, not that much more difficult.

Just do it!

A Taste of Blackberries

Our friend Eric has been pruning the blackberry picking honey hole this spring. It's now ripe for the picking. As we were picking this morning, I remembered the children's book A Taste of Blackberries. Must be one of the short list of books that really made an impact on me as a child. I think I should get a copy and re-read it now as a 40 year old.

I also think I should start putting a stack of books together for my nephew and neice. You know it would have to also include Where the Red Fern Grows. What a tear jerker!

Anyway, back to the blackberries....they are ripe and ready to be put into a cobbler or crisp. Fall is around the corner. Our best weather is upon us and the wine drinkers cometh.

I do have a taste for blackberries and all they bring with them.

Zip Line through the Redwoods...

Life is good!

Something so simple

I have thin, fine hair. I have to wash it every day. So, in an effort to reduce the amount of times I have to shampoo, I went for a stroll on Google to see what others are doing to remedy this situation. Believe me, it's a situation. I would wake up in the morning with greasy locks that had to be contained under a hat if I wanted to go work out before getting ready for the day. Never would I be caught dead leaving the house without shampooing first.

No 'Poo - that's the unfortunate name for the movement I discovered online. It's practiced by folks from all walks of life! I switched from shampoo to baking soda to clean my head and hair. My understanding is that there will be a transition period while my body gets used to not having the natural oils stripped from my hair.

I started using the baking soda - in the form of a paste made with water - about a week ago. It cleans my hair, but leaves enough oils to give it body. I can style my hair and it stays all day, which is really amazing. It's like having product in your hair with out the expense. But over several days, it started to get dull and have lots of static. So I cheated and used shampoo to restart. Can't believe how lifeless my hair was after that shampoo!

Today, I followed up the baking soda paste with a light spray of apple cider vinegar. I cannot believe how beautiful and silky smooth my hair is!!!

I'm a changed woman. And now, I'm going to have some extra change, because of all the money I'm going to save on hair care!!! Life is good!

Conditional Friends

I finally feel like I'm making progress with one friend and then another one goes on the fritz. Clearly, I'm the common denominator, so it stands to reason the issue is with me. I just don't have time for the bullshit. Life is too short to deal with things you don't need to. People's perceptions and perspectives are all so different. We should give everyone the benefit of the doubt and move on. Men do this so well.

I try to ignore all the crap and just go about my own business - easy, since we are busy and I have a million and one things to do (not the least of which is last year's taxes, ugh!). It's just so frustrating because I never know where I stand - is she mad at me? what did I do this time? did I even say that? Guessing games are a waste of time. It upsets me, though. I worry about having hurt feelings or doing something wrong.

So many quirks to try and understand. I wonder if I have quirks that get people talking? Sure would like to know. But it seems I don't have a friend here that would tell me. Hmmmm.

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Acquaintances Lost

An acquaintance of mine passed away last night. Only 40 years old, leaving behind and wife and toddler daughter. It's hard to know what to do, what to say when you are on the periphery. It's not a comfortable place to be. If you are new in a small town, knowing your place is important. Death disrupts the balance, especially on the edge of friendship. I'm glad I've been asked to prepare food for a memorial. Life is so precious and fleeting.

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all the knowledge in the world

Even if I had time to read and learn about all the social networking and such that ones needs to be an expert on, would I really want to spend all my time working at it? What would I really do with all that knowledge? I want to write and have people enjoy my writing. I'm not going to be the source of expertise on anything, although I have an opinion on most things and would happily share. I could come up with an entirely new concept and be the expert on that. I could just state that I'm an expert at something I like to do and then people want to hear what I have to say. That's what happens on the news everyday. The "experts" they find for network news are something else!

Making Changes

Change is good, right? I mean, it's inevitable for sure. So embracing it can only be a good thing. I think the fear of what the change will bring is the hardest part. If I make this decision, and something that I don't want happens, then it was making the decision that is to blame. Or maybe, what happens after the change is decided on would have happened regardless. It's better to be on the decisive end and not on the allowing end. I like being in control and at lease if I make the decision to change, then I'm the only one responsible.

On another note, I wonder if anyone ever reads this blog. If you've made it through the first paragraph and I've still got your attention, I'd love to know!

Sunday Morning

I'm spending this morning like I spend every Sunday morning. On the couch, a cup of hot tea in hand and the show "Sunday Morning" replaying from the 6am dvr recording. In my not so crazy life, I often complain there are no consistencies, not much discipline to stick to tasks and stay focused. And I've just realized that this mundane weekly activity of mine is about as consistent as any one could ask for. I can build on this. I can. Every year I say I'm going to write daily. It hasn't happened yet. That I'm going to stay on top of my responsibilities and not wait till the last minute to get things done. I still do all my bookkeeping for the past year in a week in March just in time for taxes to be due.

As I make the list above, I realize, consistency may be at the heart of my problem - the consistency of doing things the same way, week after week, year after year. And not the way I want to do them. Do we really have the power to change? Can I create new consistencies that more closely resemble the life I want to lead? Or am I leading the life I'm meant to have and should be happy with? Either way, I have a lot of work to do and should stop writing and get it done. ;-)

losing faith

how long do you wait for your dreams to fall into place? and can you let them go with out knowing what else to do? are we meant to dream and not realize them? don't think i will be able to answer these questions right now. just need to get them out of my head. i prayed this morning that i would let go of the dream of moving to california. maybe letting it go will bring it to pass. losing faith is hard. maybe it's not losing faith, maybe it's really finding it.

To Dream or Not To Dream

Maybe, it's better to have dreamed and not realized the dream, than to have never had the dream in the first place. I asked Bob what he thought about this - is just having the dream enough? He said NO - emphatically. I was happy about that answer. I don't want the dream to be in and of itself all we have. But still the question remains. What if the dream doesn't come to pass. Or, maybe we should really disect the dream and understand what the core fundemental element is of the dream that keeps us wanting it to happen. Is owning a wine shop in California what we really want? Or is it living on the ocean in the building where you work what we really want. Or, is it something even more fundemental - creating something together. In that case, couldn't we do that anywhere? And do we have to spend so much money to do it? And how do I get Bob to that understanding - that creating something together can start now. We don't have to just come home from work at night and think about what we want. We can work on it together starting now. Here in Orlando...no scratch that, we definitely want to leave Orlando. No offense to Orlando, it's just not where we want to be physically.

So last night, we took an introductory wine class at a local wine shop. Which, incidentally is starting to franchise ;-) Anyway, it was very interesting and I think we both really enjoyed it. Now when someone asks us what we know about wine, we can toss out some ridiculous words and phrases to shut them up!!

Believing

When I close my eyes, I see the tasting bar at the wine shop Bob and I want to purchase. Bob standing behind the counter pouring a taste for someone. I see the coastline of Sonoma and feel free, alive, energized. I believe it is where we are supposed to be. I believe we will make a wonderful life there. I believe it is what we need to flourish even more. I also believe we have no control over whether it happens or not. Which is very conflicting in my mind - I want it so bad and can't seem to just look forward to it. I want it to happen now and my frustration is building by the minute. It's hard to stay focused and content where I am because there is somewhere else I want to be. So my statement of truth for today is this: if this particular scenario doesn't play out they way we want it to, I believe that the Universe has something so incredible waiting, that I can't even imagine it. Now. Now I can begin to imagine what would be better than living in the same building as the wine shop you own in Sonoma County, CA, on the water - literally. Minutes from the heart of wine country and building a business together with my life partner. Being a part of a small community that supports your shop with their patronage. Becoming friends with winemakers and authors and other eccentric folks and living under two hours away from San Francisco.

Okay, what's better than that? I'm working on it....stay tuned!

Meditate a new life into existence

No one believes me when I say that I meditated my husband into my life. But it's true. And I believe meditation works. So why is it that I don't make it a permanent part of my day? The human nature is so strange. When we know we should do something that will help us or protect us, we run in the other direction. Like we want life to be hard. But it doesn't have to be!! Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, visualize your dream, spread good energy around, practice gratitude, practice gratitude, practice gratitude. And remember to let things go - it makes more room for what's to come. A crowded house blocks the flow of new experiences and adventures!! Open up, air out, be thankful, everyday. Smile and know that what you want (what you really want - and you really need to be able to feel it and know it) is on the way. Possibly in a different way than you planned. And by the way, don't plan - it never happens the way you think it's supposed to!

Sonoma County Trip

Wait and Pray

When life starts rolling and you make decisions that will effectively change your life, you don't want to have to wait on answers from other people who are in the process of making decisions that will effectively change their lives. But that's just it, isn't it? A chain of events will now occur that have little to do with the decision you have to make, except that they have everything to do with the decision you are making. This is exactly why we pray, meditate, reflect, ask and hope. Holding faith in our hands like an egg - careful not to hold it too tight or let it fall. So now, I'm praying, dare I say, asking, for God to guide all the decision makers in the line of decisions that effect mine. Guide them in the perfect way they need to be guided for my dreams to unfold. I know this will all happen they way it's supposed to - because I'm here and I've asked. The beautiful thing is that life is beginning to roll. It's gathering moss and I'm ready for the ride. There will certainly be challenges along the way that will change the course of the journey. But the journey is clear and I am determined. I know now, more than ever that Bob and I are ready for the adventure and together we will make it all happen. However it takes shape. Although the shape we really like at the moment is the shape of California and the Sonoma Coast. With a seller financed wine and gift retail business and Sissy Made It covering all the costs and then some of the purchasing of the business. It's really not out of reach at all! Just around the corner really. We also really like the idea of our house selling within a couple of months at the price we need it to. And so the decisions will continue to be made and we will wait and pray. Focusing our dreams and planning our strategy. Rethinking and revising along the way. Growing together and learning about each other. This is the real journey.

The Tenth Man (a work in progress)

Nine out of ten people will stand at the locked door on the front of a building. The tenth man will walk around to the back to see if there is another way in. I think my life is about being the tenth man. Today, it's almost a necessity to go against the grain, take the risks that others won't and do what they say can't be done. It's definitely more fun. Or, should I say, more adventurous. The stress levels are higher, in a good way. Since we started this "let's move across the country to buy a wine shop" project, my husband and I are moving along the same path for the first time and it feels really good. We are able to have conversations and discussions without arguing, our sex life is much better. It must have something to do with following a dream. Being happy just in the pursuit of happiness - is that the key? I don't know if the negotiations will result in an actual move, but we are on to something. I like being the tenth man. I find myself looking for ways to be different, or differentiate myself and my husband from the rest of the pack. Looking at our life and liking it - not wanting more...but wanting less and getting more. To move across the country, literally from the Atlantic to the Pacific, must take some certain kind of moxy. We will have to sell most of what we own, just to be able to afford the trip out. Maybe we can convince my parents to pull a second trailer behind their car with the other half of what we need! I've always thought myself an entreprenuer and I wonder if I fit the behavioral tendencies of the great entreprenuers of our time? I do have a hard time trying to figure out how to handle hiring and firing. I tend to latch on to whoever says they are available to do stuff. Then those that need to move on have to figure that out for themselves - I don't want to be mean. I'm learning that business is just business and it's not personal. Hard lesson when it really is personal to me.

I'm thankful

Ever think about what it would be like to be totally thankful, for everything, all the time? I just want to know what it feels like so that I can recognize it when I'm there. I believe that gratitude and thankfulness are the key. The key to happiness, the key to more, the key to moving through this world. And yes, it's that easy. It's a wonder more people aren't clued in to it. Being thankful immediately puts you into a place that's upbeat, happy and fulfilled. Is is possible to thank your way into financial success and monetary gain? Bob and I are flying to California in a few days to check out a business that is for sale. I'm so thankful that the opportunity found us. If we like the area and feel the business is profitable, we could be running a retail wine shop by this time next year. I'm so thankful we both want the same thing. The pieces all seem to fit. I'm so thankful that a path is appearing in front of us - even if we don't take it. It will be hard to tell our families we are moving so far away. I'm so thankful for family that really loves and cares for us. There will be so many things that have to happen to make all of this come together. I'm so thankful that my life is so full - even the difficulties are a blessing. See, it really does work - I'm feeling tingly all over!!

living in the moment...

...is so hard when you are being pulled in a load of directions. Especially if it's your on self that is doing the pulling! We create these worlds in which everything might come crumbling down if we don't show up for even a minute. And then we wonder why the stress is taking such a toll. Isn't this what I wanted, we ask ourselves. Isn't this what I created. Yes and yes. I created this and I control how I react to it. It's really not that hard once we train ourselves to be aware. So I'm becoming aware. Aware of how I respond, how I show up and why.

Currently, I'm 'training' for a 39 mile walk over two days in New York City for breast cancer awareness. I'm looking forward to the event in October. And I'm trying to raise $1800 for the event. So far I'm at $425. I know I'll hit the mark with a little more organization and prodding. My goal was to do the fundraising without hitting up individuals. The majority of the funds raised will be from events and businesses. I think people are just tired of being hit up for $10 here and $15 there. More creative ways to raise funds for causes are needed. If you know of any - please let me know!

My husband and I are hosting a "Brews for Boobs" party this friday. Out of the more than 100 people invited, only 36 have rsvp'd. Disappointing, but we are sure that more people will show up. I'm going to round up all the neighbors and still have some people to add to the list. At $15 a person, we will raise around $1000 or more after it's all over.